I am Freedom
Lately, I’ve been writing in my journal words that describe my authentic Self … one of the words I used to describe myself is the word ‘freedom’.
This morning as I woke to the sound of the work blackberry buzzing, I could barely open my eyes when I reached over looked at it at 5:00 am and it was message stating that the scheduling system I work on was missing data from the previous date. It being a payroll cut off date and no one in the office at this time, I was responsible for making sure this data was loaded in so employees could get paid. The last few days have been a little rough at the day job, often I am having to work overtime or weird hours just to be supporting this system. I don’t get paid extra to support this system, it is just expected out of me because of the position I’m in. This job wasn’t my ideal job when we started planning to have a family because of the expectations and now with my little children, it definitely doesn’t suit my needs. At 5:00 am, the first thoughts were how much I can’t wait for my physical realities to catch up with my new Self realities and how much I hate this job. While observing my thoughts of why I hate this job, I realize the reason is the same one that has popped up many times in the past for me and that is I don’t like being a slave to work. Don’t get me wrong, I am a hard worker and I barely sit around doing nothing, but when I’m at someone else’s mercy when other things I value have to pay for it ie. children not having their mom around when they need her, it really brings out some negative feelings in me.
I’m learning that these negative feelings represent the fact that I am not honoring who I am… at least to be aware of that is who I am. I am Freedom… freedom is something I value and something I am striving for. I am not a freedom fighter, I am a freedom lover and I believe I’m not alone. There are countless people out there that desire to be free to live the life they can only dream of as they don’t think they have that option in reality. That is what I am striving for…. not only for myself but for the other people that could be inspired to live a life of freedom. No one is in charge of whether I am living a life of freedom or not, but myself.
Some of you may ask why I am working at a job I dislike… well, the funny thing is, I feel blessed that I have a full time job to subsidize being able to follow my heart. I feel blessed that I’m able to see my challenges now as great tools for getting to know myself more. When negative thoughts arrive, I observe where they are coming from. I believe when the time is right and I’ve learned what I need from this ‘job’, the opportunity to move on will present itself and there is ‘freedom’ in those thoughts.
My definition of ‘freedom’ is the freedom to express my creative power, the freedom of abundance, the freedom to love, the freedom to be me.
What are some words that define your essence? I would love to hear your stories, please comment below.
Keep loving and learning and making a difference, however big or small!
Lucia
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